Saturday, July 16, 2011

F3, Cycle 40: Photo Challenge

Yes, after not posting for 6 weeks, I'm posting twice in one day.

According to this week's challenge, we had to write a story less than 1000 words based on this photo.

I'm glad I was able to participate this week. I enjoyed this.

Wires

You don’t like to leave the safety of home. Too many animals crowding around, these humans who think they have too much on their plates, who think the world would come crashing to a halt if they weren’t connected to everyone and everything through inescapable wires that permeate the masses, permeate the earth’s crust, permeate your skin. Wires are all that’s here, all that’s left, the only border between life and death. Hospitals try to erase the smell of death, but all they do is cover it up, like a candle lit in a recently used bathroom, making a noxious mix. Death is still there, creeping around the corners, slouching behind vending machines, hiding underneath nurses’ desks, visible only through the corner of your eye, waiting for you to lose attention, for your mind to wander, waiting for you to focus on something else, then it sneaks in through wires. Wires that snake through your great-grandson’s mouth, skin, veins. He’s no bigger than your hand, no bigger than your heart. Born too early, wires are the only thing keeping him on the earth. She should have stayed in bed, she should have eaten better, she should have listened to your wheezy and broken breath as you risked the wires to telephone her. But when does your family listen to you? You lost relevance years ago, you lost relevance when your wife died and a part of you died with her. Wires are just ropes, binding us all here till our last breath. When will his last breath be? When will your last breath be?

10 comments:

  1. Great job turning that photo around and seeing things from the subject's eyes, a gaggle of commuters on cell phones, and giving us the heart-wrenching story that emerges.

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  2. "Wires are just ropes, binding us all here till our last breath."

    We go through our entire life... "tethered" to something, don't we?

    I love the first-person narrative. This is very powerful!

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  3. An extremely original take. I liked that

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  4. It is a sad fact that to be 'alone' is nigh on impossible in today's world - especially now that Wi-fi follows us unseen!

    Great narration! :-)

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  5. Wow. I love how you got into the old man's head and showed us his perspective, his broken life. Gorgeous imagery, really - and gritty, too:)

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  6. original, almost surreal concept.

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  7. I agree with T.C. I liked the taste of the surreal in the story. Great work!

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  8. Feverish, breathless pacing. Nice.

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  9. This was breath-taking and beautifully succinct. A very interesting take. Great job!

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  10. Wow, the originality of this is exquisite and inspiring.

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